WHAT
IT TAKES TO BE A TERRIFIC DAD!
Do you take pride in the
fact that you spend quality time with your family?
We’re all aware of the situation of
Nigeria as such we all need to work very hard if we’re to survive in this
beloved country of ours. Here are simple tips that I would like you dear dad,
to ponder on today. Ask yourself a few questions and give yourself a pass mark
as appropriate. If you’ve done very well, thumbs up!, if you feel you haven’t,
you still have the chance to just put a few things in place and simply adjust your schedule for your children
and your family as a whole. How can I be a terrific dad? How can I be that
super hero to my children? How can I ensure that the plan of GOD for the lives of my children are
actualized? Definitely not by going from morning till evening, you’re tired and
fagged out and by the next morning, you’re ready to be on the move again.
You’re not able to even locate where their clothes are kept, you don’t understand
their feeding pattern, (mind you, I have dads who bathe, feed and even care for
their children!) all those are for mom!
It’s okay but it doesn’t always have to be like that. How do you track what
goes on in their lives, how do you get involved in what makes them
children? Before you know it, the years
will fly very quickly and that little boy or girl will be all grown up and
won’t need too much of you to manage him or herself because you were not so
visibly there from the beginning. You work very hard because of them, it’s important they understand why you get really
tired and really can’t spare too much of your time sometimes.
You can however make yourself very relevant
and thereby assume the role GOD gave you fully. All the stress you pass through
is most and always for them. So you have every right to be an active part of
their growing up years. HOW?
Cherish your time with them. One thing
that will amaze you is how quickly the years will fly. The time you have with
them is short and precious — make the most of it. Spend as much time as you can
with them, and make it quality, loving time. When you get home from work, often
you’re tired and want to relax. But this is the only time you have with them
especially during weekdays, try not to waste it. A few quality minutes spent
together daily will go a long way in shaping their tomorrow. Take time to find
out about their day. While you’re with them, keep your mind and attention
focused on them, don’t let your mind drift away, as they can sense that. The biggest mistake that dads make is sometimes not being there for their
children. Always, always set aside time each day and each week for your
children. Don’t let anything violate this sacred time. On weekends, try to
devote as much time as possible to them. And at those big moments in your
child’s life — for example when they have programmes in school— do your very
best to be there. It means the world to them.
While work may be your
passion, it won’t be long before they’re grown and no longer want to spend time
with you. Take advantage of these years. The thing children want most from
their dads is their time. GIVE YOUR TIME DADDY!
FUN
THINGS TO DO? You may suddenly find out that you’re a better reader than mom! Read to them often, hear them read or
picture read with them if they’re younger. Whether you’re a reader or not,
reading to your children (from the time they’re babies onward) is crucial. It
gets them in the habit of reading, and prepares them for a lifetime of
learning. It gives you some special time together, and it will become a
tradition your child will cherish. I read with all my children, from my
4+year-old to my 10-year-old, and I love every word we read together. Discover
things together and engage in talk, you don’t need to sound babish as they’re
getting older, but converse with them like they’re your friends. After all
they’re everything to us.
REMEMBER THAT GOD HAS GIVEN YOU THE POWER OF
AN EAGLES FLIGHT! So you’re strong, agile and you can withstand their very
agile nature too…
Engage them in active play. Oh that will really make
dad a hero you know! Children love to play and have fun not with anyone else,
but with you. You come first and just play your role and you’ll be amazed that
there will be only one hero in their lives- and that is you! The more you get
actively involved in their lives, the more you’ll get to understand your
children.
Ask them questions. Young as they are
you’ll be amazed that they know so much and can do a lot more than you can
imagine. I advised yesterday that it’s okay to watch football together but
getting involved can just be so much more fun than just watching all the time.
Play ball together with your children: male or female, it’s fun. Do we still
have time for that? Teaching the
rudiments of the game practically will make the watching together more
interesting. Aside from football, there honestly are other interesting games
for their age that can be carried out which you both can make up, you probably
also want to teach them some games from your own childhood days and take pride
in reliving them with your own children.
SHOW THAT YOU LOVE THEM. This
one sounds corny, but it should be at the centre of your dad operating
philosophy: above all, show your children love. As your children get older,
sometimes the “I love you” gradually begins to fade away and is sometimes
relegated to the background. This is however not intentional. Take time to tell
your children you love them, care for them, think and know they are the best.
This for me is important. Let your
children grow up with the pride that they know they are loved irrespective of
when you have to discipline for negative behaviour, they know they are loved.
Have you ever wondered why your children sometimes get really excited when they
see their uncles and aunts? Because they make them feel so loved, they’re ready
to listen the way you wouldn’t, they’re ready to play with them the way you
won’t, they ready to do anything they demand of them (that’s if they just
visiting anyway) Believe me dad, if you don’t let them grow in that knowledge
today, as they get older, they’ll grow up believing that yes daddy works hard
to feed the family but others love me more than he does. What are we doing in
essence? We’re modelling the wrong attitude for them. MY DAD, MY SUPERSTAR!
That is what you must be for your children. Let them know how much you love and
adore them, it goes a long way.
MAKE YOURSELF RELEVANT NOW AND ALWAYS!
My
father is a retired professor of education and yes am thankful to GOD for
giving me such a learned father, what I still vividly remember most about my
childhood years experience with my dad is that every time he travelled to attend conferences then, he’ll return with lots of clothes for me. I really
can’t picture too much now. In almost forty years of my life, that is what I
still remember the most (no hard feelings though) However I remember too much
about my mum. My mum has always been there for me. (it’s not mother’s day, so I
won’t start).It is important you make yourself very relevant at home to your
children. Those memories are there for life. Those childhood years are far more
important than any other, the teenage years is even more delicate. Give them a
solid foundation of love now so nothing anyone will do or say to them during
their teenage years will move them. If they feel unloved now and it continues
till they’re older, the rippling effect will not be very pleasant, but if you
feed them with sooooooo much love now and right from the womb, they’ll grow up
to be confident, happy and emotionally stable individuals.
Learn the “firm no”. While I’m all for giving kids the freedom
to choose, and for free play, and lots of other freedoms, there should be
limits. That I want to show my children love and want to make myself relevant
in their lives does not mean I’ll always say a yes! Parents who don’t set
boundaries are going to have children with behaviour problems, who have
problems when they grow up. And if it’s not good to always say “yes”, it’s also
not good for the child to say “no” at first … and then cave in when they throw
a temper tantrum or beg and plead. Teach them that your “no” is firm, but only
say “no” when you really feel that it’s a boundary you need to set.
Stand
together with mom. It’s no good to have one parent say one thing, just to
have the other contradict that parent. Instead, you and mom should be working
together as a parenting team, and should stand by each other’s decisions. That
said, it’s important that you talk out these decisions beforehand, so that you
don’t end up having to support a decision you strongly disagree with. Whichever
way don’t contradict yourselves in front of the children. It’s not good. It may
interest you to know that some of my children in school sometimes say things
like “ my daddy shouted on my mommy and my mommy shouted back” they see, they
hear, they’re watching and they have emotions! Without one voice, you’ll never
train them the right way.
Model good behaviour. It’s one thing to tell your child what he/she
should do, but to say one thing and do another just ruins the message. In fact,
the real lesson your child will learn is what you do. Your child is always
watching you, to learn appropriate behavior. Excessive negative behaviors will
become ingrained in your child’s head. Bad manners, inconsiderate behavior,
sloppy habits, anger and a negative attitude, laziness and greed … all these
behaviors will rub off on your child. Instead, model the behavior you’d like
your child to learn and that will make you their first and best teachers.
TEACH THEM TO TAKE DECISIONS. While it is easier to be
set the ground rules at home, don’t be authoritarian. What you will be teaching
your children is to submit to orders no matter what. Instead, teach them to take
decisions, and they’ll grow up much more capable — and happier. Children like
freedom and decisions, just like any other human being. Your job is to allow
them to take decisions, but within the parameters that you set. Give them a
choices e.g between two healthy breakfasts, for example, rather than allowing
them to eat a bowl of unhealthy meal if they choose to.
Let them be themselves. Many parents sometimes
try to mold their children into the persons they want them to be … even if your
children’s personality doesn’t fit that mold. Instead, instill good behaviors
and values in them, and give them the freedom to be themselves. Children, like
all humans, have quirks and different personalities. Let those personalities
flourish, Love your children for who they are, not who you want them to be.
Teach them about finances. From an early age, you can teach your
children the value of money, how to save money to reach a goal, and later, how
to earn money and how to manage money properly. Each of them can have a piggy
bank at home and you intentionally ensure that they save. It is expected that
accounts are opened for them and if possible insurance policies where you can
help plan for their future by GOD’s grace. Keeping the piggy bank at home and
helping them understand that from this mini savings at home, my money is
transferred to the bank, and that every naira counts- you will naturally be
instilling some financial values in them.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF The moment you become a
dad, you give up so much of yourself. You however shouldn’t give up your entire
life. You need to take very good care of yourself. Rest, take care of your
health, eat right, avoid certain types of food especially all the junk, soft
drinks and alcohol. Too much fatty food, oil high in cholesterol and too much
on your minds could trigger a lot in the body. Like I said yesterday, you MUST
be there to see your children become achievers in life. You deserve to be there
because you are sacrificing so much to ensure that all is well with them. The
average life expectancy of Nigerians has reduced to 46 years. Meaning what?
That it’s okay to die after or from that age? I reject it totally for us all in
JESUS name! Amen. Exercise will go a
long way in keeping the heart healthy, exercise with your family. It helps for
bonding. Remember that you can’t take care of your children if
you’re ill, you also want to ensure you teach your children to eat healthy and
above all you want to sit back later in life by HIS grace to enjoy your own
grandchildren someday!
Limit TV. Too much of everything they say is bad. Don’t overindulge them with
T.V. Rather you can invest in different types of resources that will improve
their level of thinking. T.V keeps a
child from doing more imaginative playing, from reading, from getting outside
to exercise. I recommend “media time”
with limits and more active and engaging activities that will help their overall
physical, intellectual and social development.
My long father’s day message will be totally incomplete if I don’t
mention this. BE GOOD TO MOM ALWAYS! Are you raising an
eyebrow? No of course not! Need I say that you’re blessed above all men to have
the wife you have. You both made that choice to spend the rest of your lives
together, so may nothing and no one separate you both! Did I hear a resounding
AMEN? AMENNNNNNNNN! What you saw in each other originally must keep you going
for life. Take time today to just enjoy
the day. you should be good to their mom even when they’re
not looking. Spend time together, show affection to her, give her little
surprises. Because when mom’s happy, the kids are happy and dad will be happy
too!
IN CONCLUSION....
GIVE THEM HUGS!. Dads shouldn’t be afraid to show affection to their children. Children
need physical contact, and not just from their moms. Snuggle with them, hug
them, love them and enjoy them.
Tell them
the best things anyone will ever to say to them ahead of time so nothing will
ever come new to them. Be your daughters’ first love. Cherish them, as they get older, say all
the sweetest things any young lad may ever dream to say to them and ensure you
beat them to it so your girls grow up confident that “my daddy is my friend and
anything at all that comes my way, I must let him know because am sure he will
guide me appropriately”. You’re in a better position to handle that. For your
sons, be their best friend who is ever ready to guide them through the path of
life and be their confidant too. This will ensure they don’t go looking for
solace elsewhere. They will be bold
enough to turn to you when they need to talk and if their friends are keeping
things away from their parents, yours will not even dream of doing that.
When you
show them that you love and value them, when you praise the things they do,
when you teach them how to be competent,
and when you reprimand but not discourage them, what you will be doing is
building their confidence and ensuring they develop a very high sense of self. This will position them to be ready to
face the challenges of life. This will help them learn to make important
decisions in life this will help them weather any storm that comes their way.
This in the long run will mean that you have succeeded as a TERRIFIC DAD!
Olufunmilola Olota (Mrs)
lolaolota@yahoo.com
